After reading Judith Lorber’s article, Night to His Day: The Social Construction of
Gender, I began to think about the ways that gender is so deeply engraved in
our society and the role that the media plays in propagating how men and women
should act. For example, actress Angelina Jolie has received a lot of negative
media attention because as a parent she has chosen to allow her 6-year-old
daughter, Shiloh, to wear boys’ clothes. Celebrity magazine, Life &
Style weekly, has criticized Jolie’s parenting choices by taking extreme
measures such as publishing photographs of Shiloh in what they call “Boyish”
clothing and placing them in the covers of their magazines. It is upsetting to
see how the media has gone so far to critique the life style choices of a child
who wants to express herself as an individual through the clothes that she
wears as mentioned by Jolie when interviewed by Grazia magazine “I have a very strong-willed four-year-old
girl, who tells me what she wants to wear and I let her be who she is. I think
people think kids should be a certain way, but I feel they should wear what
they feel like wearing and they should express themselves.” Yet, Life & Style weekly rejects the idea that children should be allowed to discover their own identities by quoting parenting expert, Glenn Stanton, supporting the the idea that "They need help, they need guidance of what that looks like. It's important to teach our children that gender distinction is very healthy." Therefore, it is evident how the media keeps reinforcing and propagating how men and women should dress.
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| Source: http://www.lifeandstylemag.com/entertainment/news/why-angelina-turning-shiloh-boy |
I also came across another example on how gender is
so deeply engraved in our society while watching an episode of the abc show, What would you do?
In this episode, hidden cameras were set up in a
costume store recording a scenario where in two different scenes a boy and girl
beg their mother to let them wear costumes of the opposite sex. In the boy’s
case, the reaction and comments that he received from the adults in the store
were not very supportive of the boys’ choice to wear a princess costume.
Evidently, these unsupportive individuals deeply believed that boys should not
wear girly costumes because that is not how society wants boys to behave or
look. In the second scenario, a girl wants to wear a male super hero costume
and as result is also unsupported by the adults around her. Some even made the
assumption that the “abnormal” behavior of these two kids was directly related
to homosexual behavior. Gender is so socially structured in our society that
parents and adults make sure that any individual moves away from this norm they
are negatively critiqued and viewed as abnormal in our society.
Below is the clip from the What would you do? episode discussed.
Question: If your son wants to wear a princess costume what would you do? Do you think it is important to teach your child that gender distinction is important?
I would never under any circumstances expect my child to adhere to these kinds of society's absolutes. Gender is loaded with gray areas and expecting and enforcing my child to live up to what is essentially a pool of inherited lies is beyond me. I think once I really started to understand just how much of what I thought to be true was actually a sexist societal teaching, I began to dismantle the yolk of binaries and absolutes. It's quite freeing.
ReplyDeleteSomething else that I found was interesting was that these people were essentially afraid of the children being (or perceived) gay, when orientation and identity are totally different things and there is an immense amount of sexism even within the gay community. I think people often put a heavy emphasis on something that is 1. Most likely a phase and 2. Frankly, not that important. Children are innocent, adults indoctrinate.
I agree with you. I was very upset when some of the parents were afraid of their children being gay when these kids were only trying to express their identities. It is sad how parents would go through extremes just to steer their children away from what they consider as "abnormal." They also try to justify their actions by saying "I did not want my child to be bullied" yet they are not setting up the examples themselves by allowing these children to accept who they are and show their true colors to others.
DeleteWhile I am extremely supportive of people being themselves completely, I do believe that children still need guidence while growing. Some animals never meet their parents upon being born/hatched. People are built differently. I'd hate to see a world run completely by adults that have never had any sort of guidence or role model. If your child wanted to wear shorts outside in the winter, would let them simply because thats how they wanted to express themselves that day? I believe we all have a masculine and feminine side and if your young child is trying to express it there are plenty of other ways. Rather than encourage my son's desire of wearing a princess costume, I would probably find another way to make him feel special, beautiful, and all those other great feelings that come from wearing a dress. Sometimes little boys may want to feel delicate and pretty and little girls may want to feel strong and powerful. I would sign my daughter up for a sport that made her feel strong or allow my son to express himself by creatively decorating his room. I would want to protect my children, if I could, from the cruelty of kids. I wouldn't want to put them in a position to feel like an outcast while they're still exploring the very new world. They can do as they please when they are older I would love and accept them all the same. If children had the proper equipment to make their own, competent decisions the drinking age would be 5.
ReplyDeleteYes, I understand that as a parent you would want to protect your children but you have to start from somewhere maybe if all parents were to show their children that it is okay to be who they truly are then maybe other kids will also stop bullying others.
DeleteI love that Angelina Jolie allows her daughter to dress how she wants despite what the media has to say. You normally don't find that very common in parents. They would try to force their children to be the way that society expects them to be. However, I do agree that children do need guidance and parents should try to show them the "right" or common way. If the child still insists on having their way, the parents should allow the child to choose. If the child ends up having a bad experience or not liking it, they'll change their mind. But, if the child continues to want to have their way , the parents have no other choice but to accept the child for who he/she is. The last woman in the hidden camera show touched me. Unlike the other mothers that tried to change the girl's decision, she explained that the mother should let her daughter be spider man to display that she's a strong woman. She looked at the costume from a positive view instead of negative. I also agree with the fact that she mentioned parents turn their back on children that turn out to be gay. The mother which was an actor acted upset about the girl's choice of costume but that's how most mothers would react in reality. If you love your child, you'll accept them for who they are.
ReplyDeleteI think the media is getting more and more shallow with it's views. They are forgetting that Shiloh is a child and so dressing in "boyish" clothing, is just the way she wants to express herself at the moment. This is not permanent, and if it was, what's wrong with it? Does dressing in this style take away from Shiloh's development into a functioning and educated individual? No. I think Angelina Jolie is doing the right thing by her daughter in letting Shiloh express herself. As to your question on the princess costume. I would allow my son to wear a princess costume, but I must first explain to him that many people aren't as open minded as he is. Also, to teach children about the importance of gender distinction causes confusion when they encounter something that challenges what they know ( ex.a transgender individual).
ReplyDeleteClothing can be a form of expression but it also one of the most basic things that we all use and need. Therefore, putting so much importance on what my child should wear is not so critical to me when I have children. However, there is a time and a place for everything and also a way to dress for certain occasions. If I had a son and he asked me if he could wear a princess dress, I would assure him that would be his costume for halloween because in everyday scenarios only real princesses wear a princess dress everyday. There is a line between not caring what people say and putting your children too much exposure for situations where they can be bullied. Clothing is one of the first things people judge other people by, therefore as a future parent I do believe there is an importance to teach children sex distinction, not gender. Gender is socially constructed, sex is biological and kids need to understand that difference. And I believe the first way of teaching them this without exposing them to too much is with the clothes they wear.
ReplyDeleteI personally would never prevent my child from wearing what they want just because people might talk about them. I would not allow them to make a fool out of themselves or me, but I would let them have a choice in what they want to wear. Children are innocent and are just learning about different ways of expressing themselves. Clothing is mere material, not one's gender identity. We are so socialized to gender roles that things like this make headlines, but in reality they are not a big deal at all. We have to learn to accept change and differences and not be so quick to conform to the things that come so naturally to us.
ReplyDelete