The Power of Marriage

As we learn about all of the cultural institutions and structures which currently and historically subjugate women, it may be surprising to learn that the patriarchy has its hands in even one of our most revered and seemingly untarnish-able establishments: marriage.

Throughout the socialization of our youth, we are inundated with the imagery of idealized (heterosexual) marriage.  Religious institutions, education-industrial complexes, and Disney characters all seem to agree: marriage is good for society.  

 So we don't question marriage; we learn to structure our life plans around the eventuality of getting married, and if we falter in this quest, our families, friends, and coworkers are there to ensure that we stay on course.  And why not?  Weddings are beautiful.  Romantic love and commitment between two people is inspiring.  

But these romantic trappings have only arisen recently.  Historically, marriage was, in most societies, an exchange of property, wherein women were commoditized and used to facilitate alliances between families which ensured their political, social, and economic power.  Marriages were arranged by the spouses' familes, romantic affection was not required, marital duties were economical and procreative, and women were expected to be subservient to their husbands.

With the rise of Christianity in Europe, the Church reinforced these decidedly non-egalitarian goals for marriage in society, and emblazoned the institution with religious sanctification.  Simply put, society constructed marriage as an ideal means of population growth and worker reproduction, and religion covered these non-romantic notions with sanctimonious, god-ordained dressings.  

But we've moved past that now, right?  Marriage is now entirely about love between to socially equal partners.  Cities like New York are probably moving in that direction, but much of Western society still holds marriage under the thumb of religion and procreation-as-outcome.  Take, for instance, a few of the marriage talking points of conservative group Focus on the Family: 

Marriage is Essential to a Thriving Society

• Marriage provides important benefits to society that no other institution can. Marriage:

• Regulates sexuality. Marriage establishes sexual guardrails, which remain a requirement for all successful societies.

• Socializes men. A society's most serious problem is the unattached male, and marriage links men to women who help channel male sexuality and aggression in socially productive ways. Marriage and parenthood socialize men to care for and respect their wives, other women and children.

• Protects women. Without a social norm of monogamy, women become commodities to be used and discarded.

• Provides children with a mom and a dad. Both mothers and fathers contribute in unique and irreplaceable ways to their children that prepare them to contribute to,and continue a flourishing society.

Marriage is Bigger Than Just One Couple

• Marriage is not the invention of government. It is a pre-legal institution and has existed since the beginning of civilization in every known society.

• Governments recognize marriage because it provides the next generation of upstanding citizens – something the government needs and cannot provide for itself.

• Marriage is the only means for melding two sexes into a stronger and more complete whole. Gender distinctions are not merely a social construct; men and women are uniquely designed to complement each other physically, emotionally and spiritually.

• The major religions of the world all recognize marriage. In the Christian Bible, marriage is ordained by God, and Jesus Christ underscores its sacredness. Paul described marriage as an ongoing demonstration of Christ's love for His church.

• Marriage provides economic benefits to minorities.

In the quote above, I've made bold the points I find to be most telling.

Marriage ensures heteronormativity, according to the first bold point.

According to the second bold point, women are responsible for marrying men to "channel male sexuality and aggression in socially productive ways."  This is rape culture at its finest: it is "natural" for men to be sexually aggressive, and women are employed to keep men from sexual deviance.

I'm struck by the sheer irony of the third point, in its suggestion that marriage somehow protects women from becoming sexually commoditized.

In the second set of statements about marriage,  Focus on the Family reasserts the socially constructed gender and racial binaries that we have spent time attempting to dismantle during this course, solidifying for me the notion that the social institutions in power (patriarchy, religion, the State, etc.) are desperate to retain marriage as an instrument of the retention of their own power.

What do you think?  Can we strip away the apparatus of institutionalized power in marriage, yet retain its emotional and familial content?  Or are we doomed to either accept the current model or eschew it completely in favor of a new modern system of love and family?